I have many habits. Some healthy. Some not so healthy. Some that folks just do not understand. I guess this can be classified as a not so healthy habit that folks just do not, for the life of them, understand. Let me explain…
I’m going through a ton of stuff right now. I’ve already posted a few of the things happening in the life of Ki – my lack of a car and steady job to name a few. There are other things that I choose to not share. Some are WAY too personal and I’ll be damned if I let that loose into the interwebs. Actually, the way that this little habit of mine works is that I don’t let it loose at all.
I curl up in my little shell and ride it out. I don’t communicate with anyone. I go about my days in a haze most times. I do stuff that takes my mind off of things. My dancing is filling most of that role. Other stuff that I do is really not so productive. The thing is, I cannot really concentrate on stuff. I’m scatter brained. Pretty much numbed out from everything that is going on.
I got a light cussing out from a very dear and close friend of mine who is all to aware of my little habit. There was a point where I closed up so much that we didn’t speak for over a year. She pretty much told me that I need to stop doing that. It causes folks to think that they pissed me off or did something wrong when I cut off ties like that. I need to let people in. I need to stop thinking of me letting people in as a burden on them. I need to allow people to make the choice to help me by comforting me and doing anything else that the situation may require instead of me making that choice for them by shutting them out. If they choose to not care, it’s all good. It will hurt but I will move on, yeah?
Who knows? Letting people in may even help me get through it a whole lot better than I am now. It may even generate some opportunities I never would have come across by being so reserved. I’m all for progression. If it gets me back to my naturally giddy self then what the hell am I waiting for?!
*Image compliments of http://wonderturtlesoaps.blogspot.com/2010/06/wally-sez-happy-fathers-day.html*