She Muses

Throwback Thursday: Ah…The Weekend

Originally posted 26 September, 2009

Deep InThought by Lisette Wennstrom
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I haven’t posted in a few days. My mind has been in a constant state of activity during that time. You’d think I’d post what’s on my mind. For some reason at the time I did not think that wise. I needed some time to think and translate the crap that was going on in there. I’m further than I was but still have some straightening out to do.

I still have not finished my vision board. I’d like to take care of that today. I want to look at all of the things that I want everyday so that I can be motivated to work towards it. That is the thing…WORK towards it! You want things in life you’ve got to work for it. Hard too. Hard work pays off and it will for me sometime in the future.

What I’ve been thinking about the last few days was the direction I’d like to go. I just cut everything off…the computer, TV, phone…and laid down and thought. Just thought. I thought about my leaving the company that I was with for over 10 years. I thought about what I left the company for. I thought about what I decided to pursue after I left my company. What I decided to do when I left my company was something that looked appealing to me. With work it could be pretty lucrative. I went into this field for two reasons…because I wanted to have something of my own ( I answer to no one but me) and because I wanted my Man to live worry free with his son full time.

Don’t get me wrong…this career path still looks very appealing to me. Due to a few dramatic changes in my life I do not have the mindset to do it. It’s a sales job. I was never good at sales for one and two my motivation and/or reason for getting into it no longer applies. I am no longer with this man and therefore do not need to worry about him or his son again. Sure the ‘having my own’ reason still applies but that could be for anything out there that I believe I will enjoy. It’s quite a shame really…I forked over a lot of money to get into this career path. Such a waste. Maybe all of this drama happened so I can realized that this path was not for me in the first place. I’m not sure.

I guess what really surprised me was the fact that I wanted to take care of my significant other and his son more than me. Well I would have been taken care of with my earnings but my thought process was for those two. Yes I loved and adored them that much…still do. Trust me I’m working on getting out of that bundle of string. Anyway that was a problem I guess. Well maybe not. When you’re in a relationship and committed of course you will think of ways to provide for your family. You will sacrifice a few things for the good of the family, right? I want to move out of Kansas but didn’t because of his son. Sacrifice. I had no issues with that at all. Once it was over between us I had to reevaluate things in my life…which is what I’ve been doing for a while now.

I’ve decided to pick up a part time gig. I’m looking in a field that I’ve enjoyed since childhood. I should have went that route in the beginning but was afraid of a number of things at that time. Photography has always been a love for me and I enjoy snapping pictures. If I can find something within this field I will jump on it. I need to see if working in this field supplies the same feelings.

Whew this was a lot. If you have read this far THANK YOU! I told you I’m messed up in the head…I have a lot of stuff jammed up in there. Lol.

Enjoy your Saturday!

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