She Muses

Just All Sorts Of Crazy

I‘ve been absent for a bit. This is due to a number of things. My schedule has filled up. Grateful for this. I’ve had mixed feelings about random things. All of it I did not want to share with the masses. It’s not that it’s too personal. I’m still trying to sort it all out.

Things kind of came to a head this weekend. I had a small (as I’m calling it) psychotic break. I came home Saturday afternoon and cried until I couldn’t think anymore. I didn’t call anyone because I did not want anyone to hear me like that. Plus, I didn’t want to lean on anyone more than I needed to. This little break of mine lasted for several hours.

My self talk was horrible. My feelings of inadequacy, incompetence, and general distaste for my worth were at an all time high. I had data to back it all up. Leave it up to me to resort to the past to justify the negative. Lol. My accomplishments were stashed away in some storage facility deep in my brain. Inaccessible. Locked up. Forgotten. My track record of disappointment was fresh in my mind. It was (and still is) a numbing feeling.

I am better now. I still have some remnants of the episode present within me. I don’t see a time when it will be gone. At least not in the immediate future. I’ve taken on a few stressful tasks, plus I’m dealing with a few hiccups concerning my freelance gigs. They are, unfortunately, contributing to my present state. I just need to learn how to deal with it. That’s what one does, right? Go through this thing called life dealing with everyday issues? How hard is that supposed to be? Lol.

Like I said, I’m still trying to sort everything out. I’m educating myself. I’m trying to take things slowly. I’m trying to keep a level head. I’m trying to keep emotion out of it. In other areas, I am upping my level of skill. Practice makes perfect, right? That’s how one becomes knowledgeable and great at their prospective craft.

To the ones that are close to me or even the ones that are not, no worries. I’ll be fine. I always bounce back no matter what the issue is. No calls please…I’m sick of crying.

*Image compliments of http://www.vampyrekisses.com/im-not-that-crazy*

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