She Muses

Lent 2012: Letting Go & Building Confidence

For those of you that do not know, I am a confirmed Catholic. After many years of inner struggle and rebellion, I finally committed to this faith, for my own selfish reasons, in April of 2009. You see, I’m drawn to the patron saints. Other aspects of Catholicism I can do without. I call myself an Eclectic Catholic due to the fact that I incorporate other forms of spirituality. I can tell you that the Catholic church will not approve. Lol.

Now Lent is upon us. Every year they (not me) give up meat except fish on Fridays. We are also encouraged to sacrifice something else. For me every year it was sex. Yup, I gave it up (or in this case held it hostage) until Easter every year for many years. My boyfriends at the time did not appreciate this AT ALL. Lol. After a while I started looking for other things to give up. I learned that the whole point in the sacrifice was to get rid of whatever it was you were sacrificing completely. NOT going to happen with me and sex. NO SIR! Other bad habits, yes.

Then I started looking for positive things to begin doing. New hobbies to take on. Good habits to adopt and implement in the long term. Beginning something new instead of sacrificing something old seemed much better to me. I went for that option.

This year for Lent I was seriously debating not doing anything. My head really isn’t in a good place for various reasons. I didn’t want to add on to the mess. Once Ash Wednesday came a small weight was lifted off of my shoulders because of a silent decision that I made. A very personal one. It just came to me out of the blue. I had decided to let someone go. A crush that I had for a gentleman for almost a year. I also decided to take on something new. Well, not really new. Let’s call it a rekindling of sorts.

My desire for taking pictures has been non-existent for a while. I’m having some serious confidence issues when it comes to my work. I don’t like it, to be blunt. For some reason other people do. I don’t get it. Maybe I’m not meant to. So in an effort to get my confidence back I’m going on a series of photo walks. Been there, done that, right? The cool thing about a few of these photo walks is that I have a partner in crime to accompany me this time. Someone to kick me in the arse when I need it. Pretty sweet, eh?

First photo walk had to be rescheduled to a site indoors due to weather. To the Air & Space museum we went. I took many photos. Of course, I didn’t like the majority of them. I did enjoy taking them though. Lesson learned? I need to invest in some new lenses. Definitely!

I’m curious as to what my confidence level in my photography skills will be come Easter. One can only hope that it is much higher than it is today. Then maybe I will appreciate what I’m producing. The more I get out there, the more likely this will be. At least, that’s what I am told. Time will tell.

Tagged , , , ,