I snapped this pic on one of my long walks last Tuesday. It was raining pretty hard that day. I didn’t mind at all. Being out and about taking care of various errands kept me upbeat. Plus, it was great exercise. I walked a great deal that day. I captured it in a moment of inspiration. I wanted to mirror the visual in my head. I am very happy to report that I did. This rarely happens unfortunately.
Looking at this image now it gets me to thinking about certain traits that I have. Certain ways that I do things. This image is very symbolic to me and of me. What does the image show? It shows an object in front of a light source. My umbrella is attempting to block out the light in front of me. It’s doing an OK job, however the light can still be seen. Sure it’s blocked but you are still aware of its presence. The umbrella is my wall. The light is the world around me.
I’m the type that likes to suffer in silence. I don’t want anyone to know about anything that I’m going through. I think many of the things that I go through are trivial and can be conquered in due time with a firm hand from me. To complain about them is weak and considered whining. Nothing positive can come of it. So I hold it all in while I figure out my next move. I know this is not healthy. I have learned to deal with things better as the years have passed. I still suffer in silence but I don’t hold the majority of it in anymore. Journalling is a beautiful thing.
I’m learning that journalling is not enough. A little update on my journey to release my inner creative child.
There are an assortment of tasks that are assigned for each week. The tasks for week one seemed harmless enough. As I thought about them more in detail the more I got upset. One task in particular was to list out three old enemies of my creative self. Three horrible monsters that smothered my inner artist. I could only think of one…my senior English teacher!
I allowed that woman to derail me from my journey for an entire week! No morning pages were done. No affirmations written down. No personal journalling done. I pretty much coasted through all last week without accomplishing much for my creative self. The holiday contributed but really I used it as an excuse. My long walk on Tuesday is the exception. Even that high didn’t last long. I am not going to go into details on how this woman contributed to the dimming light of a budding junior writer. No. As you can tell I am still allowing it to effect me to this day. This tells me that I have some serious work to do in demolishing that thought.
I continued on with Week Two – Recovering a Sense of Identity today. Great read. It really spoke to me. It emphasized what I already knew to be true due to other sources. Suffering in silence is not the way to do it. I need people. Not just any people…the RIGHT people. People who will support and motivate. People who will not sabotage my improvement or encourage me to do so. People who are positive. People who see the big picture. Yes, the RIGHT people.
We all need people no matter what we may think. A good support system can help bring the extraordinary out of a person. My inner artist child loves people. It’s time to give her what she wants on a more consistent basis. It’s time to let in the light.