I always wonder why a woman as private as I am is drawn to blogging. It doesn’t really make much sense. I enjoy it though. Yes, there are some things that I do not wish to share but then again, there are some things that I do. What I am about to share normally falls in the ‘do not share’ category. I feel like getting it out for some reason.
So here we go.
I am a pretty positive and upbeat person. It took me a while to get here. I used to be a very pissed off and closed in girl. I saw the error of my ways and moved over to the brighter side of life. It’s been wonderful. The flowers smell sweeter. The sun shines brighter. The wind feels phenomenal as it blows on my skin and through my hair. Life is beautiful.
For the first time in many, many years I love my life the way it is. Before it was always something…my job, my place of residence, etc. Now I have an amazing job that I actually LOVE. Seriously, I love my job. I’m doing something that I enjoy. I love the city where I am. I love the house where I reside. Again, life is beautiful.
However, it is not always ice cream with sprinkles. There are always things that test my patience. We all have these tests. They can wear on one’s resolve. They wear on mine every now and then. I brush them off. Reflect in my journal on them. Go on my merry way without them on my back. I do all this with a smile. A positive attitude. Why? Because life is too much fun to be dwelling on stuff that gets you down.
Dwelling. Sigh.
I wish I can tell you that I have perfected this brush off and forget it method. Unfortunately, I have not. Even though I do brush off the negative and move it along, there is still some residual left over. That residual builds up over time only to reveal itself in what I like to call my moments. These moments of mine vary in duration. They can last a few minutes, a few hours, over the course of a few days. What do I do during these moments? I dwell. Sometimes I cry.
I am a true believer of if it’s meant to be then it will be. I am not saying that I just sit around and let things happen. No. I go for mine when it is necessary. When I see that certain things just do not fit with me then I go at it at another angle. I do this because the angle that I was pursuing obviously was not for me. The alternate angle was. I have a small issue though. Sometimes I can be a little impatient. So impatient that I dwell on what could be a lot of the time during my moments.
What Could Be. It gets me every time.
So you may be asking yourself what the hell I’m talking about. What almost every not so career minded but still on the grind woman my age thinks about. Traveling and saving the world with her child in tow. Husband optional. Lol.
My NOW makes me very happy. I am very blessed. I am also very excited about what could be. Yes, it can bring me down sometimes because it hasn’t happened yet. It also keeps me going. Gives me something to work towards. Go figure.
Right now? I am sad. This moment has those could be thoughts. It also has a few other things weaved in. I’ll get through them. I always do…
*image compliments of http://vi.sualize.us/tag/diary